In the year 1979, in the midst of one hazy, sweltering Canadian August night, I cried, a loud cry, to a God I hardly knew. Have you ever thought you could not live another day with your life as it is? I did. That night, I sensed my life ending. I wanted death better than the life I was leading! I welcomed the sweet-smelling fragrance of death. The only two things that kept my miserable life going, were my two beautiful children and my amazing husband! Living with depression is not easy. Having two little children, a girl five and a little boy of two and teaching elementary school full time, is not easy!
That night in such a welcome gesture, my husband decided to take our children to the nearby park to let me rest. Relieved I welcomed my loneliness and reveled in my misery. Then I cried out loud. “If you are really there God, please either take me home or give me strength to take care of these two children you have graciously given me…and I want to quit this nasty habit of smoking…I cannot take this kind of life anymore! ”
Desperately sinking into my couch, I relinquished to my darkness. With no remote in my hands to change the channel on the television, I let the southern, mellow voice of a televangelist speak right to me. I did not know then who he was, but he caught my attention. In a loud voice he said, “A young woman wants to be healed of an arresting depression and to be delivered from a nasty smoking habit.”
You can imagine my astonishment. I sat up on the couch. “How could this man on TV, know what I had just asked God? Was he God? Was I dreaming or better yet…dead!” The prospect of a man on television hearing from God to relate a message to me! Who was this person without a white collar talking to me about healing miracles? He was persistent. The audacity! He asked me, to place my hand on the screen in a step of faith, and pray! What was I to do? This is foolish. I hesitated for a while, but then, impulsively, I obeyed. With a quick furtive look around, I glued my hands to the television and the evangelist prayed. Streams of tears wet my hands as I covered my face. Time stood still. Finally, as I opened my eye and stood up from kneeling, I cannot explain it very well…something was different! A new freshness filled my heart.
With new vigor I ran to the door, opened it and for the first time in years I walked to the end of the driveway and started my way to the park. At the end of the street I saw my most prized possessions: my children and my husband coming home. With open arms I ran to embrace them. I even welcomed the sultry air around us. A look of surprise shone on my husband’s face, wondering what had just happened to me. I chose to keep the entire experience private for just a little while longer…I would tell him later.
The next morning, as it had been my habit, I lit up a cigarette. Different was today. There came upon me a nauseating feeling from deep inside my stomach. Persistent, I lit another a little later, after some breakfast. There it was again, only this time that annoying feeling in the pit of my stomach came accompanied by a small voice from deep inside my heart, saying, “Did you not ask me for a healing last night and deliverance from smoking?” I fell to my knees. For the first time in my life, I heard God’s marvelous voice coming from inside my heart! What a privilege! God chose to heal me!
From that day forward, I never picked up a cigarette ever again and depression stayed away. On that desperate Sunday night in August, my compassionate God put a light in my heart. Looking back, ever since that illuminating night, I began to seek God, to converse with Him and to walk with him side by side. To this day, we have a relationship where I call upon Him in prayer always, for everything I undertake and His faithfulness will last forever. I feel Blessed!
That night in such a welcome gesture, my husband decided to take our children to the nearby park to let me rest. Relieved I welcomed my loneliness and reveled in my misery. Then I cried out loud. “If you are really there God, please either take me home or give me strength to take care of these two children you have graciously given me…and I want to quit this nasty habit of smoking…I cannot take this kind of life anymore! ”
Desperately sinking into my couch, I relinquished to my darkness. With no remote in my hands to change the channel on the television, I let the southern, mellow voice of a televangelist speak right to me. I did not know then who he was, but he caught my attention. In a loud voice he said, “A young woman wants to be healed of an arresting depression and to be delivered from a nasty smoking habit.”
You can imagine my astonishment. I sat up on the couch. “How could this man on TV, know what I had just asked God? Was he God? Was I dreaming or better yet…dead!” The prospect of a man on television hearing from God to relate a message to me! Who was this person without a white collar talking to me about healing miracles? He was persistent. The audacity! He asked me, to place my hand on the screen in a step of faith, and pray! What was I to do? This is foolish. I hesitated for a while, but then, impulsively, I obeyed. With a quick furtive look around, I glued my hands to the television and the evangelist prayed. Streams of tears wet my hands as I covered my face. Time stood still. Finally, as I opened my eye and stood up from kneeling, I cannot explain it very well…something was different! A new freshness filled my heart.
With new vigor I ran to the door, opened it and for the first time in years I walked to the end of the driveway and started my way to the park. At the end of the street I saw my most prized possessions: my children and my husband coming home. With open arms I ran to embrace them. I even welcomed the sultry air around us. A look of surprise shone on my husband’s face, wondering what had just happened to me. I chose to keep the entire experience private for just a little while longer…I would tell him later.
The next morning, as it had been my habit, I lit up a cigarette. Different was today. There came upon me a nauseating feeling from deep inside my stomach. Persistent, I lit another a little later, after some breakfast. There it was again, only this time that annoying feeling in the pit of my stomach came accompanied by a small voice from deep inside my heart, saying, “Did you not ask me for a healing last night and deliverance from smoking?” I fell to my knees. For the first time in my life, I heard God’s marvelous voice coming from inside my heart! What a privilege! God chose to heal me!
From that day forward, I never picked up a cigarette ever again and depression stayed away. On that desperate Sunday night in August, my compassionate God put a light in my heart. Looking back, ever since that illuminating night, I began to seek God, to converse with Him and to walk with him side by side. To this day, we have a relationship where I call upon Him in prayer always, for everything I undertake and His faithfulness will last forever. I feel Blessed!
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